10.09.2013

Just not me...

Somewhere in between moving to Nashville, starting a new career, and immersing myself into new....well, everything, I lost my knack to write.  To connect.  To spend time at a computer and really throw myself into something, anything, that I was writing.  My posts, though valid attempts at being sincere, and genuine just have not been enough.  I've longed for sitting at my computer, connecting with the blogs I read, people who read mine.  Maybe it's because I write copy for a living, and my brain is just "on" too much, maybe it's because I feel as though my time seeps from beneath my fingertips, and the last thing I want to do is to put those fingertips to the keyboard and spend more time in front of a computer, but I miss it.

This last year has been interesting.  I must say moving to a new city has its ups and downs.  Nashville has been a fairly (and by fairly, I mean almost completely) simple transition.  Close enough, but not too far away.  I miss my close friends and of course my family, but am glad I'm gone for a little while.  One year later, a few heart breaks, a lot of head aches, some successes, and a few failures, some tears, lots of laughter later, I finally feel I have accepted Nashville as home.  I have a little family here.  I can tell my dentist whole-heartedly I have a crew to take care of me when I have to get those sucker wisdom teeth taken out at the end of this year.  But somehow, it hasn't been enough.  I've settled for the guys, who are good, but not good enough, not treating me enough.  I've let go of the guy who could have been the one, maybe because I wasn't ready, or scared.  I've learned a lot about marketing, I've grown in my career, I've changed.  I've challenged, and been challenged by colleagues.  But somehow, for me it isn't enough.  Are we always chasing? I know they say it's a journey, not a destination, but something within me feels full, but not whole.  I want a bigger city.  I want to feel the excitement of living in a loft.  Nashville, is unique, and exciting, even on a Monday night, but somehow it isn't enough.  Before even considering a move, I ask you all.....is it ever really enough? Insert cheesy Britney song circa 2000.  If there's nothing missing in my life.....then why do these tears come at night? Okay, they are not tears, but something is not completely satisfied here.  Have you all felt this way?

2 comments:

  1. I feel that way sometimes and I'm in the same city i was born in! I think it's just part of (so cliche) "being a twenty-something!" Don't beat yourself up too much, everything that is meant to be will find it's way

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  2. I know exactly what you're talking about... When living in Louisville with a great job and my two college besties as roommates and my closest guy friends directly across the street (it felt like the tv show Friends!) I began to have this incomplete feeling about my life and what I should be doing... I was making great memories and from the outside looking in, I was loving life and I doubt anyone knew I spent countless nights journaling away about feeling life wasn't what it should be. I knew I wanted to move home eventually but I knew I wasn't ready for it yet...but knew I needed a change of pace....It was a weird time, but I just kept praying for God to guide me in every little decision I made each day, so I would get to where I was supposed to be...and eventually it happened....not by any one big decision but by several small ones over a time period and I have always attributed that to those prayers for the guidance I needed.

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